PsychSaver.com Forum

PsychSaver.com Forum

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

In a good relationship, there are certain elements that are always present: unconditional acceptance, good communication, and a lack of built-up resentment. We talk about unconditional love, but what we mean is unconditional acceptance. If we do not feel as if we are being accepted unconditionally by our partner, we will not feel safe in the relationship. Unconditional acceptance also allows us to freely become or transform ourselves. It is also important to note that it is almost impossible to unconditionally accept a person who is not acting with integrity and honor. This means that, if you are lying and being secretive, you are creating a situation where you cannot be unconditionally accepted because you have introduced an element of inauthenticity to the relationship.

Good communication is equally important because it fosters understanding and helps eliminate false assumptions. It also helps us to be compassionate and empathetic toward our partner. Often communication is hindered because one or both parties become defensive during communications and when we are defending ourselves, obviously we feel attacked in some way. No one likes to feel judged and criticized. I am not saying that the other party is being judgmental and critical, but when we take a defensive posture, we do so because we feel threatened in some way. Maybe we feel threatened because a communication or situation has triggered a past hurt or we have built up resentment around certain issues, or we could feel threatened because our self-esteem is low and we are misperceiving the other party's intentions.

Many marriages and relationships fall apart because one or both parties are resentful toward each other. This resentment can eat away at a person's gut for months or years. It may even cause the bearer of the resentment to have physical ailments due to these internalized or repressed feelings of hurt and anger. We start to misjudge and misperceive the other party and do not allow for transformation and growth on their part, not to mention how this resentment causes us to be stuck firmly in the past. Being aware and mindful can help us to let go of our resentment, thus freeing the relationship to become healthier.